1) Be Patient
Until you enter into a contract with a submissive, you have no more right to
order him/her around than does anyone else. Give you bottom time to get to know
you and what you like. Finesse and subtlety are major elements of dominance.
Similarly, strength and gentleness go hand in hand. The sensitivity and
awareness (or lack thereof) that you show in the real world is likely to be
repeated in the playroom.
2)
Be Humble
You may be God's/Goddess' gift to the world, but no one needs to hear it or
wants to hear it. You will have ample opportunities to show how good you are -
and plenty of opportunities to make a fool of yourself. No matter what you
claim, the real you will show through in a scene. Don't set yourself up for a
failure by developing expectations that you know you can never reach.
3) Be Open
Although the top is classically considered to be the
teacher in SM, you can always learn from your bottom, no matter how
inexperienced. Be willing to learn from other dominants who may have a totally
different perspective from yours. Try to approach by-now-familiar trips with an
attitude of wonderment and discovery. Be aware that everyone has her or his own
personal style.
4) Communicate
You are responsible for finding out basic, essential information about the
people you play with, such as experience, limits, likes and dislikes, and
health information. Playing SM without this knowledge is like Russian roulette.
Talk about your head-space and you review of SM with your bottom, so that any
uncertainties can be dealt with before you start playing. Clearly spell out
roles, rules, limits and contracts. Do not take for granted that your bottom
instinctively knows the ground rules.
5) Be Honest
If you lack experience in an area that your bottom would
like to experiment with, be honest about it. Your partner has a right to know
that. Be honest with yourself and take your submissive only to those levels at
which you are completely in control of the situation. Safety should always be
the first concern, taking priority over how hot a particular scene is.
6) Be Sensitive
There's a very fine line between a sensitive, caring dominate and a
self-righteous, insensitive overbearing clod. Your scene should be a creative
synthesis of you needs and fantasies, and your bottoms needs and fantasies.
Although, on the surface, your submissive is serving you, what actually is
happening is that dominant and submissive are serving each other. Earn the
complete trust of your submissive and never violate or even threaten to violate
that trust. His or her submission is a gift to you. Use it appropriately.
7) Be Realistic
End the scene with the bottom wanting more, not wishing there had been less.
Remember that power, control, and sensitivity are the keys, no just the
intensity of the stimulation. Be clear about what is fantasy, and has little to
do with what works in practice. Your favorite porno picture books may be
stimulating in themselves, but don't try to imitate them to the last detail.
8) Be Really Dominant
Submissive are looking for someone who will take over their body and mind, not
just for brute strength. Real people are wanted, not just cardboard images from
ads or stereotypes. Your dominance enhances you whole existence. It does not
cover up or substitute for other areas of your life - it is you. Make your
submissive fall in love with you, and expect them to give themselves up to you
totally. Follow up on rules, expect obedience, and punish appropriately when it
is called for. Don't shirk your responsibility to your bottom or to your
sister/fellow tops. Be dependable and expect dependability. You have agreed to
take the dominant role - now take it!
9) Be Healthy
Like any strenuous activity, SM requires that its participants be in top
physical and emotional health. Many factors, including the amount you sleep,
your eating habits, and your alcohol and drug intake affect your performance
and endurance during a scene. Don’t attempt to do SM when your physical or
emotional energy is low. As a dominant you have a special responsibility to be
in control of yourself and on top of the scene. An attitude of drugs and
alcohol don't affect me that much...I can do it anyway violates your submissive trust in you and can be dangerous. If you don't want to accept the
responsibilities, you shouldn't be playing the game!
10) Have Fun
After all; sex is all about having a good time. You have earned, and you are
entitled to the unique intense pleasures which come from responsible, creative
SM play.
This is a site dedicated to People of color finding their way in the B.D.S.M and Kink lifestyle. Everything on this site is for and from the perspective of people of color. We promote unity, connection, and becoming as one in the B.D.S.M and kink lifestyle.
Friday, November 30, 2012
Sample Consensual Contract (Generic)
This contract is provided as a secure and binding agreement
which defines in specific terms the relationship and interaction between
two individuals, hereafter termed the slave and the master (both
terms are intended to be independant of sex). This agreement is legal
and binding. This agreement must be entered voluntarily, but cannot be
broken except under the conditions stated herein, after which certain
precautions shall be taken to protect those involved. (See section
7.0.0)
1.0.0 Slave's Role
The slave agrees to submit completely to the master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the master without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave's veto (see section 1.0.1) applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their master ,, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. All of the slave's possessions likewise belong to the master , including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as they see fit. The slave agrees to please the master to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said master .
1.0.1 Slave's Veto
The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the master , at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both master and slave:
3.0.0 Punishment
The slave agrees to accept any punishment the master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.
3.0.1 Rules of Punishment
Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:
Since the body of the slave now belongs to the master , it is the master's responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:
The slave may not seek any other master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the master's permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider the slave's emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the master allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave . The master may give the slave to other masters, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the master will inform the new master of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new master will be considered a breach by the master as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.
6.0.0 Secrecy
All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both master and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it. The materials and physical evidence shall be kept under lock and key in a place acceptable to both parties.
7.0.0 Alteration of Contract
This contract may not be altered, except when both master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.
8.0.0 Termination of Contract
This contract may be terminated at any time by the master , but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the master , to be shared or kept as they see fit. The slave , owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to the master , shall once again own their body, but nothing else, unless the master decides to give back their possessions.
9.0.0 Slave's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to give everything I own to my master, and further accept their claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand tha I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my master to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.
Signature:____________________________________________
9.0.1 Master's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, body and possessions, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.
Signature:_____________________________________________________________________
1.0.0 Slave's Role
The slave agrees to submit completely to the master in all ways. There are no boundaries of place, time, or situation in which the slave may willfully refuse to obey the directive of the master without risking punishment, except in situations where the slave's veto (see section 1.0.1) applies. The slave also agrees that, once entered into the Slavery Contract, their body belongs to their master ,, to be used as seen fit, within the guidelines defined herein. All of the slave's possessions likewise belong to the master , including all assets, finances, and material goods, to do with as they see fit. The slave agrees to please the master to the best of their ability, in that they now exist solely for the pleasure of said master .
1.0.1 Slave's Veto
The slave, where appropriate, holds veto power over any command given by the master , at which time they may rightfully refuse to obey that command. This power may only be invoked under the following circumstances, or where agreed by both master and slave:
- Where said command conflicts with any existing laws and may lead to fines, arrest, or prosecution of the slave .
- Where said command may cause extreme damage to slave's life, such as losing their job, causing family stress,etc.
- Where said command may cause permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0) to the slave .
- Where said command may cause psychological trauma to the slave, such as a rape scene for a slave that has been raped in the past.
3.0.0 Punishment
The slave agrees to accept any punishment the master decides to inflict, whether earned or not.
3.0.1 Rules of Punishment
Punishment of the slave is subject to certain rules designed to protect the slave from intentional abuse or permanent bodily harm (see 4.0.0). Punishment must not incur permanent bodily harm, or the following forms of abuse:
- Blood may not be drawn at any time. Punishment must stop immediately if blood is drawn
- Burning the body
- Drastic loss of circulation
- Causing internal bleeding
- Loss of consciousness
- Withholding of any necessary materials, such as food, water, or sunlight for extended periods of time
Since the body of the slave now belongs to the master , it is the master's responsibility to protect that body from permanent bodily harm. Should the slave ever come to permanent bodily harm during the course of punishment or in any other slavery related activity, whether by intention or accident, it will be grounds for immediate termination of this contract, should the slave so desire. Permanent bodily harm shall be determined as:
- Death
- Any damage that involves loss of mobility or function, including broken bones.
- Any permanent marks on the skin, including scars, burns, or tattoos, unless accepted by the slave .
- Any loss of hair, unless accepted by the slave .
- Any piercing of the flesh which leaves a permanent hole, unless accepted by the slave .
- Any diseases that could result in any of the above results, including sexually transmitted diseases.
The slave may not seek any other master or lover or relate to others in any sexual or submissive way without the master's permission. To do so will be considered a breach of contract, and will result in extreme punishment. The master may accept other slaves or lovers, but must consider the slave's emotional response to such actions and act accordingly. Under no circumstance should the master allow such actions to unbalance the slave emotionally, or allow such actions to result in ignoring the slave . The master may give the slave to other masters, provided the rules of this contract are upheld. In such a situation, the master will inform the new master of the provisions stated herein, and any breach by the new master will be considered a breach by the master as well, subject to all rules stated in this contract.
6.0.0 Secrecy
All physical evidence of the slavery will be kept in total secrecy, except where both master and slave agree. Any violation of this clause shall be cause to terminate this contract, should the injured party wish it. The materials and physical evidence shall be kept under lock and key in a place acceptable to both parties.
7.0.0 Alteration of Contract
This contract may not be altered, except when both master and slave agree. If the contract is altered, the new contract shall be printed and signed, and then the old contract must be destroyed.
8.0.0 Termination of Contract
This contract may be terminated at any time by the master , but never by the slave, except under special conditions explained within this contract. Upon termination, all physical evidence of the slavery, including this contract, will be destroyed, and all materials and belongings shall belong to the master , to be shared or kept as they see fit. The slave , owning nothing and having agreed to give up all worldly possessions and body to the master , shall once again own their body, but nothing else, unless the master decides to give back their possessions.
9.0.0 Slave's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to give everything I own to my master, and further accept their claim of ownership over my physical body. I understand tha I will be commanded and trained and punished as a slave, and I promise to be true and to fulfill the pleasures and desires of my master to the best of my abilities. I understand that I cannot withdraw from this contract except as stated in this contract.
Signature:____________________________________________
9.0.1 Master's Signature
I have read and fully understand this contract in its entirety. I agree to accept this slave as my property, body and possessions, and to care for them to the best of my ability. I shall provide for their security and well-being and command them, train them, and punish them as a slave. I understand the responsibility implicit in this arrangement, and agree that no harm shall come to the slave as long as they are mine. I further understand that I can withdraw from this contract at any time.
Signature:_____________________________________________________________________
Using Contracts in D/s Relationships
A contract is a physical document outlining the D/s relationship. At the bottom of this post I’ll share an example contract that you can use to customize your own. A contract is not a legally binding document, but more of an agreement between two consenting individuals. Some are very formal and have multiple pages, others are as brief as a few paragraphs. A D/s contract is a lot like a pre-nuptial agreement.
The Arguments
The other side of the argument says that contracts are worthless and the two individuals involved need to be serious about the relationship without the need of a contract. If the relationship is failing a contract is just not going to resurrect it. This side also says that if the contract is discovered by the authorities you can be charged with prostitution and solicitation or worse. It has happened before, just check the news archives.
General Outline
- Petition
- Names and Roles of Parties
- Term of Service
- Rules, Duties, and Goals
- Limits
- Termination Requirements
- Signature of all Parties
(This D/s contract, can be altered to suit one’s needs both virtual and realtime situations. It is not a legal binding document but adds to the strength of one’s relationship. It is written in the male Dominant/female submissive role, but can be easily changed.)
I, [submissive], with a free mind and an open heart; do request of [Dominant], that he accept the submission of my will unto him and to take me into his care and guidance, that we may grow together in love, trust, and mutual respect. The satisfaction of his wants, desires, and whims are consistent with my desire as a submissive to be found pleasing to him. To that end, I offer him the use of my time, talents, and abilities.
Further, I ask, in sincere humility, that as my Master, he accept the keeping of my body for the fulfillment and enhancement of our sexual, spiritual, emotional, and intellectual needs. To achieve this, he may have unfettered use of my body any time, any place, in front of anyone; to keep or give away, as he will determine.
I ask that he guide me in any sexual, sensual, or scene-related behavior, both together with, and separate from him, in such a way as to further my growth as a person.
I request of [Dominant], as my Master, that he use the power in his role; to mold and shape me; assisting me to grow in strength, character, confidence, and being, and that he continue to help me develop my artistic and intellectual abilities.
In return, I agree:
- To obey his commands to the best of my ability.
- To strive to overcome feelings of guilt or shame, and all inhibitions that interfere with my capability to serve him and limit my growth as his submissive.
- To maintain honest and open communications with him.
- To reveal my thoughts, feelings, and desires without hesitation or embarrassment.
- To inform him of my wants and perceived needs, recognizing that he is the sole judge of whether or how these shall be satisfied.
- To strive toward maintenance of a positive self-image and development of realistic expectations and goals.
- To work with him to become a happy and self-fulfilled individual.
- To work against negative aspects of my ego and my insecurities that would interfere with advancement of these aims.
This I, [submissive] do entreat, with lucidity and the realization of what this means, both stated and implied, in the conviction that this offer will be understood in the spirit of faith, caring, esteem, and devotion in which it is given.
Should either of us find that our aspirations are not being well served by this agreement, find this commitment too burdensome, or for any other reason wish to cancel, either may do so by verbal notification to the other, in keeping with the consensual nature of the agreement. We both understand that cancellation means a cessation of the control stated and implied within this agreement, not a termination of our relationship as friends and lovers. Upon cancellation, each of us agrees to offer to the other their reasons and assess our new needs and situation openingly and lovingly.
This agreement shall serve as the basis for an extension of our relationship, committed to in the spirit of loving and consensual Dominance and submission with the intention of furthering self-awareness and exploration, promoting health andhappiness, and improving both our lives.
This contract has a life of ___ (days/weeks/months/years). At it’s expiration a new contract may be created and signed.
I offer my consent to submission to [Dominant],under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of ____________ in the year _____.
______________________________
signature of submissive
I offer my acceptance of submission by ____________, under the terms stated above on this the _____ day of ____________ in the year _____.
______________________________
Signature of Dominant
The submissive prayer
Allow me the strength
to gain understandings of things I cannot fathom
Allow me the spirit
to know Your needs
Allow me the serenity
to serve You in peace
Allow me the love to
give myself to You
Allow me the
tenderness to comfort You
Allow me the wisdom
to be an asset to You
Let me show every day
my love of my service to You
Let me open myself to
completely belong to You
Let me take my
punishment with the grace
Let me love myself by
loving You
Let me learn to
please You, beyond myself
Grant me the power to
give myself to You
Give me the strength
to please us both
Allow me the honor of
serving You
For it is my greatest
gift, my highest pleasure
to make Your life...
Sub's Serenity Prayer
Master, grant me the
serenity that comes with your control, the obedience to follow your
instruction, and the understanding to know your wisdom.
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