• Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.
• Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.
• Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.
• Make sure your sub understands whether you are looking for a monogamous or poly situation.
• Before you attempt poly, make sure you can handle that first sub.
• Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective subs.
• A sub that refuses to answer basic questions, especially regarding his or her medical history, has something to hide.
• A sub that refuses to answer basic questions, especially regarding his or her medical history, has something to hide.
• Pass over prospective subs who obviously aren't compatible with your needs.
• Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to have a sub.
• Collars should not be given out without serious consideration and intent.
• Being a Dominant doesn’t give you the right to order around every sub you come in contact with.
• Subs are not obligated to have sex or give tributes to you.
• Subs are not obligated to have sex or give tributes to you.
• Be wary of subs who want financial support, or who are frequently collared and released.
• Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.
• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a collection of collars does not make a submissive.
• Some subs exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress Dom/mes.
• A sub with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or mentally unstable.
• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a collection of collars does not make a submissive.
• Some subs exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress Dom/mes.
• A sub with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or mentally unstable.
• A sub has a right to leave you.
Chapter 2 - Being safe
• Make sure you know your sub’s medical conditions and HIV status before playing.
• Anything that is not consensual is considered abuse and is prosecutable.
• Make sure you know your sub’s medical conditions and HIV status before playing.
• Anything that is not consensual is considered abuse and is prosecutable.
• Consensual play that results in
serious injury or death will be investigated by police as reckless
endangerment and may get you jail time.
• A Dominant who refuses to honor a safe-word is being abusive.
• A Dominant who refuses to honor a safe-word is being abusive.
• Your sub is your property and responsibility. Care for him or her properly.
• Know your sub’s limits and pain threshold thoroughly before attempting to scene.
• Discuss any traumatic events the sub has had which may be triggered during play.
• Do not drink excessively or use prescription/recreational drugs that may impair your ability before or during a scene.
• There may be times when your sub zones out and is unable to call their safe-word.
• Remember that it only takes a split second to do physical or mental damage during a scene. You must stay focused.
• Learn as much as you can about a new style of play before attempting to try it.
• Clean insertables before and after they are used on a sub.
• Clean insertables before and after they are used on a sub.
• Learn CPR and keep a first aid kit with scissors in your toybag.
• Calling a safeword is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.
• Be wary of subs who say they have no limits.
• Never rush off to another state to meet a sub you just met online. Be patient.
• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
• Always meet in public on your first date.
• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
• Be wary of subs who say they have no limits.
• Never rush off to another state to meet a sub you just met online. Be patient.
• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
• Always meet in public on your first date.
• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
• Pay attention to your sub’s physical/mental condition after scenes.
• Some Dominants may need aftercare too.
• Some Dominants may need aftercare too.
Chapter 3 - Protocol
• The most important protocol your sub should follow is your own.
• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don't break them.
• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don't break them.
• Don't try to get sex and/or play under the guise of "mentoring."
• Your sub’s behavior in public is a direct reflection upon you.
• Your sub’s behavior in public is a direct reflection upon you.
• Do not touch other people's property (subs, toys) without permission.
• Never interrupt other people’s scenes (i.e. touching, talking or laughing loudly)
• Always clean up after your scene.
• Never interrupt other people’s scenes (i.e. touching, talking or laughing loudly)
• Always clean up after your scene.
Chapter 4 - Your Journey
• Choose your scene name carefully. You should earn your title (Sir, Master, etc) through respect and experience.
• Don't expect a submissive to be the solution to all your problems in life.
• Don't expect a submissive to be the solution to all your problems in life.
• Before one can control another they must be in control of themselves.
• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your Dominance.
• Apologizing or admitting when you are wrong does not make you any less of a Dominant. It is an admirable trait.
• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your Dominance.
• Apologizing or admitting when you are wrong does not make you any less of a Dominant. It is an admirable trait.
• A lifestyle aware friend can be just as helpful as a mentor.
• Skills and experience are not a substitute for social graces.
• If you value your reputation, keep your word and respect others.
• The community is not a platform to feed your ego.
• Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.
• A sub does not have to be a pain slut to be a good submissive.
• A sub does not have to be a pain slut to be a good submissive.
• A sub can teach you about the lifestyle without topping from the bottom.
• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.
• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.
• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
• Your sub deserves to have his or her needs met too.
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