Chapter 1 -
Finding a Dominant
• Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong it probably is.
• Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.
• Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.
• Be yourself. Never compromise who you are to gain the attention of a Dominant.
• Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.
• Some Dominants will never love you.
• Some Dominants have no desire to fuck you.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to prospective Dom/mes who aren't compatible.
• You do not have to take orders or obey every Dominant who approaches you.
• Just because you are sub doesn't mean you should let Dom/mes walk all over you.
• You do not have to spend money on, or give money to, a Dominant.
• Always trust your gut. If something feels wrong it probably is.
• Intuition and common sense are your most valuable instincts.
• Look for the same personality/qualities you would look for in a vanilla partner.
• Be yourself. Never compromise who you are to gain the attention of a Dominant.
• Be clear and honest about what you are seeking in a relationship.
• Some Dominants will never love you.
• Some Dominants have no desire to fuck you.
• Don't be afraid to say "no" to prospective Dom/mes who aren't compatible.
• You do not have to take orders or obey every Dominant who approaches you.
• Just because you are sub doesn't mean you should let Dom/mes walk all over you.
• You do not have to spend money on, or give money to, a Dominant.
• You do not have to send naked photos to a Dominant.
• Be careful how much personal info you reveal to strangers.
• Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective Dom/mes.
• Ask questions respectfully, then respectfully question answers.
• A Dominant who refuses to answer basic questions has something to hide.
• Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.
• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a booming voice does not make a Dominant.
• Some Dominants exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress subs.
• A Dominant with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or abusive.
• Make a list of mandatory questions to ask prospective Dom/mes.
• Ask questions respectfully, then respectfully question answers.
• A Dominant who refuses to answer basic questions has something to hide.
• Talk to other subs and Dom/mes before you meet someone new. Get references.
• Expensive fetish clothes/toys or a booming voice does not make a Dominant.
• Some Dominants exaggerate their lifestyle experience in order to impress subs.
• A Dominant with many years of experience may still be a total asshole or abusive.
Chapter 2 - Being safe
• A good Dominant will make sure you feel safe at all times when meeting.
• Anything that is not consensual is abuse.
• A Dominant who refuses to honor your safeword is abusing you.
• A good Dominant will make sure you feel safe at all times when meeting.
• Anything that is not consensual is abuse.
• A Dominant who refuses to honor your safeword is abusing you.
• Use common sense if ordered to have unprotected sex with strangers.
• Clean insertables yourself before and after they are used on you.
• Make sure your play partner knows all your medical conditions before scening.
• Make sure your play partner knows all your medical conditions before scening.
• Drop any Dominant who orders you not to get medical or psychological help.
• Calling your safe-word is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.
• Never tell a Dominant you have no limits.
• Never rush off to another state to meet a Dominant you just met. Be patient.
• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
• Always meet in public on your first date.
• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
• Calling your safe-word is not a sign of failure. It will help improve future scenes.
• Never tell a Dominant you have no limits.
• Never rush off to another state to meet a Dominant you just met. Be patient.
• Use safe calls (phone calls at established times) when meeting for the first time.
• Always meet in public on your first date.
• If you must play on a first date, do it at a public dungeon.
• Do not allow a Dominant to isolate you from family or loved ones.
• Pay attention to your physical/mental condition after scenes.
• Some subs need more aftercare than others.
• Pay attention to your physical/mental condition after scenes.
• Some subs need more aftercare than others.
Chapter 3 - Protocol
• The most important protocol to learn is your own Dominant's.
• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don't break them.
• When collared, your behavior in public is a direct reflection upon your Dominant.
• Basic etiquette and manners are all that is required at most lifestyle events.
• Make sure you know all the rules of a specific event and don't break them.
• When collared, your behavior in public is a direct reflection upon your Dominant.
• Learn when to speak and when to be silent.
• Do not touch other people's property (subs, toys) without permission.
• Never interrupt other people’s scenes (ie. touching, talking or laughing loudly)
• Always clean up after your scene.
• Never interrupt other people’s scenes (ie. touching, talking or laughing loudly)
• Always clean up after your scene.
Chapter 4 - Your Journey
• Don't expect a Dominant to solve all your problems in life.
• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your submission.
• Never limit yourself to just one source of information.
• Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.
• You do not have to be a pain slut to be a good sub.
• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.
• It's ok to be alone.
• You can decide for yourself whether to be monogamous or poly.
• Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to serve.
• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
• Don't expect a Dominant to solve all your problems in life.
• Be responsible for your own health, financial independence and happiness.
• Never stop learning about yourself and ways to improve your submission.
• Never limit yourself to just one source of information.
• Don't spend more money than you can afford on fetish gear, toys, or events.
• You do not have to be a pain slut to be a good sub.
• This is your journey. Live it the way that makes you happy and satisfied.
• If you aren't having fun, you are doing it wrong.
• It's ok to be alone.
• You can decide for yourself whether to be monogamous or poly.
• Don't rush blindly into relationships because you are so eager to serve.
• Take time to honestly learn what you need and want out of the lifestyle.
• Keeping a private journal can help you get to know yourself better.
• Discover who you are in your submission... sub or slave, masochist or no pain, etc.
• Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you shouldn't get your needs met too.
• Discover who you are in your submission... sub or slave, masochist or no pain, etc.
• Just because you're a sub doesn't mean you shouldn't get your needs met too.
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